An Epic Journey
by DocAzure
Summary: This story, is one of epic proportions. Co-wrote with Super Spindash and TheCakeMiester. This is a tale for the ages, of beginnings...and endings. Contains many characters, and many words.


Charmy was flying happily through Green Hill Zone, singing his little song.

"CHARMY BEE, CHARMY BEE!"

Getting over-excited, he began to run faster, through the poops in the area. Not looking where he was going. Suddenly he collided with a large purple ass.

"FWOOGGY?" it was Big.

"H-hey Big," the bee looked up. "You lost your frog again?"

Big grabbed Charmy, wrapping his large hand around the bee's body.

"LE-" Charmy was silenced by the dim giants hand.

He began to shake the Bee.

"FROGGY, ARE YOU IN THERE?!"

Big looked down and he noticed his large spiked cat penis was glowing.

"Maybe she is INSIDE the Bee!"

Grabbing Barney, he forced the suit onto the tip of the spike.

"GYAAAH!" the bee let out a cry, stinging Big on the head of his cock.

Feeling the pain surge through his body, the cat flew into a rage.

"NO HURT BIG, YOU FEEL NOW!"

Shoving his hand up Charmy's anus, stretching it apart.

"NO, BIG-AHHHH" the bee screamed in pain

"Jolly me, this is quite the view to eat cucumber sandwiches to"

Sitting, looking over from afar, was a Professor Pickle. He had his dick out, playing with it in one hand, while eating a cu**CUM**ber sandwich in the other.

"I think I might join in this...'orgy' of sorts..."

Standing up and dusting himself off, Pickle made his way over to the scene, his pickle dick flopping around.

Big, at this point, has already shoved the whole of Charmy onto the end of his dick, and was wearing him like some kind of demented codpiece.

"M-Mr Big, what are you doing?" it was Cream.

Big looked over, a big smile on his face.

"Just playing with Charmy, rabbit." Big then walked over to Cream, his arms outstreched.

"B-B-Big...stop...please!" Cream began to run away...right into the path of a certain Pickle dick.

"Ooh, are you OK there little girl?"

Pickle's enormous pickle dick began to grow at an exceedingly fast rate.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!" it was Chris

Everyone at the scene, Cream, Big and Pickle dick all turned towards him.

"Wh-what are you looking at...?" Chris began to panic

Big, jumping on top of Chris, began to rip the young boy's clothes off, one piece at a time.

"Let me get in on this!" Pickle walked up an shoved his pickle inside Chris' mouth.

Cream, seeing her opportunity to escape, began to run towards the hills. Not looking where she's going. Suddenly, he face met with a certain round, egg-shaped man.

"OH HO HO!" it was Eggs Man "Where do you think you're going...you little...Playboy...bunny?"

Eggman reached for his fly, unzipping it to reveal his egg shaped cock. (Yes, it was shaped like an egg, it got that way from an attack, which I will explain through the media of song...)

EGGMAN  
HE WAS BORN WITH A NORMAL DICK  
EGGMAN  
HE GOT HIT RIGHT IN HIS NORMAL DICK  
EGGMAN  
IT WENT EGG SHAPED OR SOME SHIT  
EGGMAN  
AND THEN HE GOT...  
AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDS!

AHEM, back to the tale at hand.

The tale at hand was Eggman's penis, which was now in his hand, half way down Cream's throat.

"AFACFAXE" Cream's face went blue from lack of air.

The rabbit suddenly slumped, she had suffocated to death.

Now, while this buffonery was commencing, Chris was getting penetrated by Big the Cat, while Pickle stroked his pickle over the young man's corpse.

Big looked up at Pickle, the old man shooting him a thumbs up.

"Jolly good show, old chap, we should do this more often!"

Appearing from over the hill was an old looking fellow, it was Harrison Ford.

"Hmmmhaaahmmmm" the man just grumbled, walking over to the scene.

He looked at the Cat and the Pickle, standing there with their dicks out.

"Why does it always have to be snakes!" the actor laughed as he walked over to the rock sitting in the middle of the field.

Picking up the rock, he undid his trousers and shoved it up his geriatric old anus.

Suddenly, bursting up from the ground was that echidna everyone loves, Ken Penders. Throwing his shitty drawings over his naked, obese body.

"I LOVE TO DRAW SHITTY ECHIDNAS AND FAP OVER THEM"

Suddenly (AGAIN), a rifle shot blew out Mr Penders brains. It was Pakamakadingdong.

"DAUGTHER, I KILLED A MAN, NOW SUCK MY 4 HEADED PENIS!"

"BUT FATHER, I BEG OF YOU!"

"TIKAL! It ain't gonna suck itself!" Pakamakadaughterrape pulled his dick out and smashed it off his daughers face, knocking her out cold.

"Shit...who's gonna suck it now..."

Suddenly (yes), dropping from the rafters, was a certain fox by the name of MILES PROWER (IT'S A FUCKING PUN, NAKA FOUND IT FUNNY, FUCK YOU).

"YOU WILL DO BOY" Pakamakaboopboopshawoddywoddy(I'm a scatman) grabbed the fox by his (Tails is a guy?) ears and forced him down on all four of his heads, rupturing his mouth.

Suddenly (FUCKING YES), a homing attack smashes Paka-over used joke over the head, it was Manic.

"RADICAL, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS PLACE ANYWAY" pulling his drumsticks out, he shoved them up Tails' ass.

"TIME FOR A SONG, I THINK?"

Jumping out from the alley was Sonic and Sonia.

"SURE BRO!"

(Shitty 80s cliche beat)  
IT'S TIME, TO MAKE LOVE, WITH YOUR RELATIVES  
MAKE FREAKY BABIES YEAH  
DO, DO IT WHILE THEY SLEEP, RAPE THEM YEAH  
DO IT AGAINST THEIR WILL

"TAKE IT PHIL!"

I CAN FEEL MY DICK, IN MY SISTERS ASS TONIGHT  
AND I NEED, ONE MORE NIGHT, TO GET HER PREGNANT, YES

"IS THAT...DAFT PUNK?"

UP ALL NIGHT TO GET RAPEY  
UP ALL NIGHT TO GET RAPEY  
UP ALL NIGHT TO GET RAPEY

"MORE CELEBRITY GUEST? SAMUEL L. JACKSON?!"

I HAVE HAD IT, WITH THESE MOTHER FUCKING MOTHER FUCKERS ON THIS MOTHER FUCKING MOBIUS (ARCHIE FEGGETS LEL).

IT'S OVER, IT'S OVER

Suddenly, appearing from over the edge of the screen was G.I Joe.

"Remember kids, if you don't touch balls, it isn't gay." AND LEARNS IS HALF THE BATTLE

BUT WAIT! Appearing from the sky in his Egg Carrier, (wit teh sky dick lel spindash lel) was Doctor Eggman, Cream's corpse still on his cock.

"HA HA, BEHOLD, THE EGG CARRIER, WITH MY LATEST INVENTION, WITH THE HELP OF JUN SENOUE, THE DUCK KILLER!"

Sure enough, standing beside Eggman on the deck, looking like a scrub, was Jun Senoue, guitar in one hand, the corpse of Richard Jacques in the other.

"*crazy japanese lingo*" he clenched his fist and threw the limp corpse of the musician off the craft.

HOWEVER, a large...planet like object began approaching the Egg Carrier.

"IS THAT A MOON?"

"THAT'S NO MOON, IT'S...JONTRON!"

"FUCKIN' BOOBEDY BOOP ARIN DOESN'T LOVE ME" the large, fat man, known as Jontron collided with the Egg Carrier, knocking it into the house of the famous voice actor, Roger Craig Smith, know for voicing Ezio, Chris Redfield and...that plane from Planes.

Running out of the building, Roger fell to his knees. He was naked, covered in money and pizza.

"WHY U DO DIS SANIC TEAM, I NEED THE MONEY!"

Standing over the crouched body of Smith was a certain...Griffith character, known for being a shitty voice actor.

"YOU RACK DISPRINCE, YOU NO DESERVE THIS ROLE." Griffith removed the dressing gown he was wearing, revealing his tiny penis.

Grabbing Roger's buttcheeks, he thrust inside him, making a noise like Jet the Hawk.

Watching this action unfold was a certain shitty actor that everyone loves to ride their dick on, Ryan Drummond.

"AW YEAH. DIS IS HAPPENING!". Drummond started to pleasure himself.

Watching from even further away was a man, a legendary man, a man by the name of Reggie.

Unzipping his suit, he stripped down until he was standing completely nude.

"MY BODY...IS READY!" he let out a cry, turning Super Saiyan.

Blasting over to SEGA HQ, he watched over the destruction, bodies littering the courtyard.

"I'M ABOUT KICKING ASS AND TAKING NAMES" letting out a fart, Reggie destroyed the whole of SEGA HQ...however...rising from the ashes...was an individual with fucked up teeth...IIZUKA, DESTROYER OF WORLDS!

"ROO WILL LIKE SONIC ONLY GAME, YA?! WE ALL KNOW DIS IS WHAT FANS WANT. WE JUST LOVE IGN, WE TOTALLY DID NOT SUCK THEIR COCKS FOR THIS NEW GAME. WE GAVE THEM EVERYTHING THEY WANTED! NO SHITTY FWENZ, NO STORY RELEVANCE, JUST YOUR TYPICAL SANIC SHITE!"

Suddenly, also appearing from the ashes, was SEGA's fuckbuddy, Dimps!

"FWOOSH FWOOSH CHISH CHISH CHISH CHISH BOING BOING BOING" Sadly, this was all Dimps could say. After their accident with Sanic 4, they have never been the same way.

Iizuka turned to Dimps. "I'M GONNA BOOST DA FUCK OUT OF YOU, DIMPS-KUN" Iikuza then grew penises from his teeth and face fucked Dimps, while Modern Green Hill was playing in the background.  
Dimps was highly turned on by the music to a linear level that penises flew out of its booster and were span round and round and round and round and round and flew off like fireworks, exploding into the night sky with cum and sperm.

Iizuka thoroughly enjoyed this, yelling "OOH, OOH, DIMPS, DO IT HARDER! FUCK ME! FUCK ME, DIMPS! FUCK ME! DO IT! CHISH CHISH CHISH CHISH CHISH CHISH CHISH"

Iizuka was out of control.

"CHISH CHISH CHISH CHISH CHISH- BOING!"

Suddenly... MARIO JOINS THE BRAWL!

Mario landed his foot in Iizuka's face, smashing out his teeth and squashing his brain. Hopping onto the ground, he smirked.

"WHAT'S-A GOING ON-A HERE, THEN!?" Mario said to Dimps.

"CHISH-BOING-BOTTOMLESS PIT-CHECKPOINT-CHECKPOINT-CHECKPOINT-MINECARTS-MIN ECARTS-BUBBLES-CHISH-CHISH-CHISH-GOALPLATE", said Dimps.

"Hm? English, a-motherfucker, do you-a speak it?" Mario replied angrily.

Kicking Dimps right in the balls, Mario got cum and semen all over his shoe.

"D'aw, ravioli shit." murmured Mario, wiping the cum off his shoe.

Suddenly, Dimps' speed boosters began spinning again. It created such a draft, Mario was sucked in!

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAH! OH NO, I LOST! LUIIIIIIGIIIIII! HELP MEEEEE!"

Then...

suddenly...

"YO!"

"HANDS OFF MY PREY!"

Falco joined in.

Whipping out his phaser, Falco whispered "Let me in, motherfucker."

Dimps began to suck in Falco also! WHAT A TWIST!

"HEY EINSTEIN! I'M ON YOUR DICK!" Falco yelled angrily.

Catching Falco's leg, Mario sucked Falco along into Dimps' speed boosters.

"OW! FUCK! SHIT! RAVIOLI! HELP-A ME! LUIGI!" Mario squealed with pain.

"HANDS OFF! DOESN'T MY SHIP LOOK OKAY TO YOU!? BECAUSE PERSONALLY, I PREFER THE AIR!" Falco screamed rebeliously at Dimps.

Spinning ROUND N ROUND N ROUND N ROUND N ROUND ROUND, Mario and Falco grew more and more sick every second, then...

"Wait... Falco, did you-a hear something there?" Mario questioned.

"Yeah... Somethin' about going round n round..." Falco answered.

"YOU'RE RIGHT BITCHES!" yelled a sudden voice.

...

"CUZ THIS IS WHAT U NEED!" the voice continued.

"YOU READY!?"

"UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF LOVE!"

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*

Hideki Naganuma smashed through the roof, causing an earthquake throughout the building. "YO SPEED BOOSTER, YOU A TURNTABLE? 'CUZ I'M ALL READY TO SPIN IT ON THE TURNTABLES BACK 2 BACK!"

Flying (yes he can fly because most awesome SEGA composer) over to Dimps, Mario and Falco, he SMASHED his hand down, spinning the boosters ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND.

"WAAAAAH! SHIT! RAVIOLI! SPAGHETTI! FUCK! OW, MY GROIIIIIIIIIN!" Mario yelled.

"HOW THE FUCK IS THIS SUPPOSED TO HELP US GET OUT, EINSTEIN!?" Falco yelled.

"BECAUSE DUN DE DUN DUN DE DUN DE DUN DUN DE DUN DE DUN DUN DE DUN DUN DUN DUN" Naganuma replied, meanwhile creating a record scratch beat with the speed boosters.

SUDDENLY

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

THE QUADRUSOME EXPLODE, COVERING THE ENTIRE PLANET OF MOBIU- I MEAN, EARTH- I MEAN, ...WHATEVER IT HAS NO FUCKING NAME WITH ASHES, DUST, CUM AND SEMEN.

"And that's why ya don't stop, ya proceed, 'cuz dat's what cha need." Naganuma's last words were.

*silence.*

So, after that fucked up tangent, we return to the surface...the surface of MOBIUS BECUZ ARCHIE LEL.

Standing, now covered in Naganuma semen, was a certain man, a man with the ability to sound...so much like a whiny bitch. It was Tristan, TSSZ go-to-guy.

"NYEEEH, WHY NO SANIC BOOM HERE! BITCH! WHINE! BITCH!"

Suddenly, a fist met with the asshole's face. It was Dreadknux, the man, the legend.

"Don't be such a bitch, little man." Dread smiled "You whine about conventions...I MAKE THEM!"

Leaving the scene, Dreadknux held his head high, triumphant.

"BUT THE MERCH, THE MERCH!" Hogfather was trundling up behind Dread, grabbing the plushies he dropped.

Enjoying this hilarious scene was a young man by the name of Cake, he was fapping to the glory of Dreadknux. Fapping in the face of Spindash, ready to take his semen.

"OOH, I'M READY FOR YOU BABEH!"

Let's leave this scene for a bar, not too far away. The bar was called Drummers Asshole, owned by a man called Asshole, he was a drummer. (DON'T LAUGH HE HAD A MEDICAL CONDITION.)

Sitting in the bar, drinking from a tall glass was a depressed looking individual known as Jaleel White. He was depressed over the lack of roles, he was told he would be in Generations. He was told he would be able to say "WAY PAST COOL" and fuck a Squirrel/Chipmunk thing. BUT NO! SEGA HATES ARCHIE AND SATAM DEEL WIT IT BITCH.

"Fucking SEGA...never give me a bone, do they?"

"Tell me about it!" leaning in was Martin Burke, OVA Sonic.

Suddenly, a door burst open. A figuire walks in and the whole bar falls quiet. It was her.

"SONIC SCHOOLHOUSE VOICE ACTOR!" the whole bar let le gasp

She took a seat in between Burke and White, ordering a stiff drink or fifty.

In the corner of this bar, the shady corner, was a man, sitting on is own. A man called Sammy Classic Sonic Fan. (PFFT MAN!)

Suddenly, bursting out from the seat, he ran over to the classic VA's.

"CAN I HAVE YOUR FRICKING AUTOGRAPH!"

Jaleel shot him a look, a look that only a black guy can give. A get the fuck out kind of look.

Sammy shot through the roof, entered orbit, and crashed into the sun.

While entering orbit, Sammy happened to collide with the space colon ark. (COLON, NOT COLONY). On board the colon was Shadow the manhog and Blackles the Echidna.

Breaking into a rap, Nipples exlaimed his love for dildos.

I LIKE DILDOS  
THEY DON'T CHUCKLE  
THEY FLEX MUSCLES  
I HATE ROUGE  
TITS ARE GEY

Knuckles unzipped his fly and began to fuck the manhog in the ass, Rouge watching from afar...while getting raped by Gamma.

"GIVE ME THE BIRD!"

"I..DON'T HAVE THE FUCKING BIRD."

"HAND OVER THE BIRD"

"I DON'T...HAVE IT...GET THAT METALLIC DICK OUT MY..."

"DOES NOT COMPUTE"

Gamma sprayed his hot oil all over Rouge, the oil scalding her skin. She let out a scream as it melted her insides.

Watching this action was a man, a man with a plan, a man with a PINGAS!

"I AM DR IVO ROOOOOBOTNIK, AND I AM HERE TO DAY TO MAKE A HISTORIC ANNOUNCEMENT!"

The Dr stripped naked and jumped atop the ark.

"I HAVE DECIDED TO ANNOUNCE, MY RETIREMENT, MY RETIREMENT, MY RETIREMENT-TRIEMENT-TIREMENT."

SUDDENLY, THE ARK LOST ORBIT AND CRASHED INTO A LOBSTER, DESTORYING MOBIUS, PLANET FREEDOM, WHAT EVER THE FUCK

THEN FINALHAZARD APPEARED, WENT RAWR (chaos), AND GOT FUCKED BY JUPITER.

WATCHING THIS ACTION UNFOLD WAS A TIMELORD BY THE NAME OF DOCTOR GOO.

"WELL, THAT IS QUITE A VIEW, ISN'T IT?!"

The Doctor slapped his dick and flew into space, mounting the giant lizard.

Then, from nowhere, Pakamakascoobydoobydababedapboop (I'M A HATMAN) appeared, dick in one hand, Tikal in the other.

"I NEED TO REPOPULATE"

HE GOT TIKAL PREGNANT AND SHE SHAT OUT SPACE BABIES.

THEY ALL GREW UP AND BECAME SONIC AND FRIENDS, MAKING EARTH.

THIS IS HOW THE ARCHIE UNIVERSE BECOMES THE GAME UNIVERSE.

HEADCANON.

~50 years later~

Sonic stood...  
TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR MORE 


End file.
